Envious Love
by The Elephant Queen
Summary: Kira is a 16 year old who is in the military she is involved with the homunculi and falls hopelessly in love with Envy. Now all she wants is him. But what happens when another declares their love? OcXEnvy Plz R&R Oh and I know not the best title but hey..
1. Boredom results in a lie to Wrath

A/N: If FMAaddict has returned and is reading this I would like to thank him with his comment, although he could in fact be a she...but oh well I'm gonna use he. (Oh and the spellchecker hates your name.) Thank you for telling me the errors it bugs me when I don't notice them and so I'm in the act of changing them so sorry for the confusion. So I do mention an Ed in this chappy (Yes I call chapters chappies) but that Ed isn't main character shorty Ed and Kira has automail hand and leg. So...yeah plz continue reading mon ami.

Kira sat at her desk she was bored. All she wanted was to get involved in stuff again but no everyone else had to have fun revolving around Edward Elric…and the homunculi, which included Envy. Envy…oh how she loved Envy that was why she wasn't allowed to fight any more they found her troublesome due to her adoration for the guy. It wasn't her fault he was just so...so...perfect? Well that's a created human for you perfection

"Too bad…" She said to herself as she walked out the door.

"And where do you think _your_ going?" Said an all to familiar voice.

"Out."

"Out where?"

"Roy shut up and leave."

"You're not supposed to be in that uniform for a while."

"I cut my leave short."

"I say otherwise."

Kira spun to look Roy dead in the eye then noticed his bouquet of flowers.

"Uh…I'm sixteen you're what…thirty?"

His left eye twitched. "Twenty-nine…and I know you're age I just thought you'd like some."

"Thanks…" Kira grabbed them and opened the door to her small apartment again. "I'll just put these in a vase." Roy followed her in.

"Mind if we chat?"

"Roy…I do NOT have time…"

"The homunculi they've taken Winry hostage."

"Who's Winry?"

"Ed's childhood friend and mechanic."

"Roy…I need to go now…"

"Not in that change into something else."

"Roy. I'm. Off. Leave!" Kira half said, half yelled at the colonel.

"Okay, okay! Don't kill me!"

"I won't my sister likes you." She said smiling as she walked out the door for the second time that evening, this time leaving Roy alone in it. She marched down the stairs as fast as she could, flung open the door at the landing and flew into the cool night air. Where would Ed be…more importantly where would Envy be? She heaved a sigh and sat down on a near by bench. She pushed back her long blonde hair waiting for something to happen, it was just too _peaceful_ something had to happen soon. As if on cue footfalls could be heard walking towards her. She stood and walked towards them.

"I see you've decided to get off leave early."

"Yes king Bradley or do you prefer Wrath?"

The Fuhrer laughed a little.

"Looking for Envy I presume?"

"No I do want to see him but I doubt he cares."

"Ah sharp as ever I see."

"Thanks, now I have to go somewhere so please let me go without hassle." Kira said as she began to walk past him. He grabbed her wrist still smiling.

"Where are you going?"

"I plan on going to the library."

"Hm…why?"

"I'm doing research on Renten-jutsu for the Elrics."

"I see so you won't mind if I join you?"

"Mind if I kill you a few times?"

Again he laughed and began walking away.

"I'll be going now, but just remember Lt. Hawkeye."

"Don't you dare hurt my sister."

"Don't do anything to hurt her or you."

Kira just marched off hoping her sister would be okay. She never actually planned on going to the library she made it half way to the library before taking a sharp left in the other direction. NexT she scanned the area for a phonebooth she needed to call Lyra, she spotted one acroos the road and jogged to it.

"Uh…8…3..2…6..5-4-1?" She said as she punched the numbers in.

"Yo Kira why'd you call need me to tune up the automail?"

"Oi Lyra-sensei I thought I'd call for…a different reason."

"I see having trouble?"

"Yes, Hughes has been murdered, Oliver's been transferred, Marcoh was found then disappeared again, Usou was arrested, then I remember the good times when I was little and I hung out with Ned and Carly. Do you remember that?"

"Yeah of course I do sounds like your having trouble out there, remember you can always come back here."

"I wouldn't mind that…it would be nice to see Ursula, Lee and Irene again I haven't seen them in a long time how are they doing?"

"Good Lee is engaged to Irene and their still only your age I think they're being young and dumb! Before you know it she'll be pregnant and want a divorce."

"I don't know about that they've loved each other for a long time."

"Yeah well anything else other then that?"

"Well Ava and Reg are orphans now right? That sucks maybe Ed will take care of them?"

"Yeah Dan and I are too busy."

"Yeah right…"

'We are!"

"Sure and Harold is in love with Eileen."

Lyra laughed on the other end.

"No we are!"

"Well how is Reg doing after the loss of his mother?"

"Not to good unfortunately…"

"That sucks I hope Ed will help them out."

"Yeah…well I need to go do some paper work bye."

"Bye."

After Lyra heard the beep she looked at all the names on her sheet of paper. (A/N: I honestly think I made myself clear that this was with Lyra seeing as I'm talking about her here...)

Hughes

Oliver

Marcoh

Usou

Ned

Carly

Ursula

Lee

Irene

Ava

Reg  
Ed

Harold

Eileen

Reg

Ed

Her Eyes widened when she saw the message. HOMUNCULI ARE HERE. She ran to find her husband.

"Dan!"

No reply.

"Dan!"

Still no answer.

"DAN!!!"

"What?" A man replied lazily.

"We have to go see Izumi now…then we'll go to central got it?"

"What? Why?"

"Look at this." She walked over to her husband and shoved the paper in his face. "Kira told me this, I think she's going to be involved one way or another. We're going now!"

"What? Let me get dressed…" Dan said as he started putting pants on.

"No you can get dressed in the car!" Lyra said as she grabbed Dan's ear and began to tug him out the door.

A/N: Reveiw if you like it...please...


	2. Pipsqueak

Kira sat alone, per usual in a small park wearing a pair of jeans and a yellow tank top. She leaned back and looked into the sky.

"Why didn't you kill me Envy…?" She asked herself.

"Kira!" A voice yelled.

"Lyra?" Kira said looking in the direction of the voice, and then entering her sight came a young woman in her twenties wearing a baby blue sundress and a large sunhat, running to Kira her odd black and blue hair flying back. "Lyra!" Kira yells getting up to greet her old teacher.

"Kira I missed you!" Lyra said hugging Kira.

"I missed you too! Where's Dan?"

"He's sleeping in our hotel room."

"Oh…okay."

"On the phone…that problem you mentioned…how are you involved?" Lyra asked in a serious tone.

"I…I was fighting one…named Envy…and it's like in books when the main person sees someone and automatically feels like they have everything…love at first sight. I stopped fighting and he could've killed me…but he stopped right before he hit and just turned and walked away." Kira replied in an odd tone of voice.

Lyra got out of their awkward embrace and slapped Kira hard. Kira rubbed her cheek.

"You're in love with a fake…you're in love with a goddamn fake human!" Lyra yelled searching Kira's face.

"So what better then your fat ass husband!" Kira yelled back fiercely.

Lyra stood there stunned not once had Kira ever back talked her, not once had Kira ever insulted Dan, not once in six years.

"Kira…" She said sadly.

"Lyra I'm sorry…" Kira began.

"Kira! My baby is growing up! You've become so independent!" Lyra squealed hugging Kira again.

"Your baby?" Kira said pretending to be grossed out.

"Remember I used to be mama Dan was papa and you were my baby!" Lyra said referring to when they were children.

"Uh…yes 'course I do…" Kira said scratching the back of her head and grinning sheepishly. Lyra let go again and smiled.

"KIRA!!!!" A certain blonde pip-squeak yelled.

"Oh gawd…" Kira said rolling her eyes.

"Kira finally I've found you…" Ed said as he stopped behind Kira.

"Hey…Kira who's the kid?" Lyra asked bending down and poking Ed's forehead.

"Uh…he's FullMetal…" Kira said looking at Ed.

"Eh?! He's so…so, so sma-" Kira covered Lyra's mouth.

"So smart! Huh? I know! Ingenious!" Kira said smiling looking at Ed Lyra removed her hand.

"Well yeah but I was gonna say small…" Lyra said, Ed's Eye twitched.

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO SMALL YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE HIM WITH A MICROSCOPE!" He yelled. Kira backed away in mock surrender.

"I didn't…" She offered Lyra on the other hand didn't see the problem.

"Huh? Oh me! I didn't know ants could speak did you Kira?" Lyra asked Kira smiling; an evil smile erupted on Kira's face.

"Ya… I mean he's such a _pipsqueak_ I'm surprised he's even able to speak normally instead of all high-pitched." She said grinning at Ed With the word 'payback' written in her expression.

Ed's expression turned evil as well. "Well at least _I _don't-" Before he could continue a large armor hand clamped over his mouth.

"Sorry about that!" Al said apologetically.

"No problem Al!" Kira said playfully punching Ed. "Anyhow this is Lyra my sensei, automail mechanic and best friend," Kira said gesturing to Lyra who waved, "now what do 'ya want mister tin-can and pip-squeak we were about to go have our tea-time and you know how I am if I miss my tea time for no good reason don't you Edward and Alphonse." Kira said her expression hardening and becoming frightening. Pure fear entered Ed and Al's eyes, quickly Ed's hands went over his crotch Al removed his hand from his brother's mouth.

"We uh…we need help…" Ed started. Kira tapped her foot.

"With?" She snapped, Ed glanced at Lyra.

"Y'know the uh…issue?"

"The homunculi?" Lyra offered.

"You told her!" He shouted and Kira, Kira sighed.

"You told Izumi…"Lyra muttered.

"So? Izumi needed to know."

"So did Lyra!" Kira retorted back Al slowly stepped away from the two with Lyra.

"Are they always like this?" Lyra asked Al eyeing the two yelling teens.

"Pretty much but this is how they get along, truth is they both really like each other they just like yelling more."

"Oh…" Lyra sighed.

"…so the egg came first!" Kira yelled finishing whatever it was she was saying.

"Fine!" Ed yelled back.

"M-hm." Kira smiled triumphantly. Lyra and Al sweat dropped.

"How'd it get to that?" Lyra sighed.

Al shrugged.

"Well I guess I'll help out…on one condition." Kira said stretching her arm out with one finger raised.

"What?" Ed asked suspiciously.

Kira leaned down and whispered something in Ed's ear. Ed's eyes widened and he thought about it for a minute.

"Fine…" He spat.

Kira bent over and grabbed Ed's hand then ran over and grabbed Al's armored one.

"Bye Lyra! Come by my apartment tomorrow!" she yelled rushing off with the two Elrics.

A/N: Okay voila…if you like it review it…please.


	3. Kira IS a girl

"So you want me to…?"

"Yup."

"And Al will be…?"

"Uh-huh."

"And you're gonna…?"

"Mhm."

"And we're all going to…?"

"Yes." Kira smiled triumphantly at her plan to catch this girl who knew Renten-jutsu.

"This isn't going to work…she's already seen us and she's with scar." Ed pointed out. Al nodded in agreement with his brother. Kira smiled.

"Ed you're an alchemist too right?" She asks.

"Yes you already knew that idiot." He said rolling his gold eyes.

"So it's simple! Just transmute Al's body!" Kira smiled.

"What?" Ed and Al said shocked.

"You two are sooo chicken! Al was basically blown to bits by Scar and he's still fine, but your afraid to make him a little shorter and change his look? You really are some odd guys." Kira sighed. "But…I guess of you're not up to it…we'll all just let her go while the homunculi destroy our world as we know it…so many people will die!" Kira continued letting some fake tears roll down her face. She began to sob.

"Ah! Brother you made her cry!" Al yelled at Ed and walked over to Kira and patted her back trying to console her.

"Kira don't cry! You look like Winry when you do that…" Ed complained.

Kira sniffed. "All you do is complain Ed!" Another fake sniff, "Maybe you should be more like Al! Stop being so goddamn selfish! I've needed your help before and you were to busy reading books! And every time you've come to me I've helped you!" More fake tears. "Al on the other hand always comforts me! The only girl I think you care about is this Winry, but…but…" more sniffling then a sob. In order to hide her wicked grin she face-palmed and sat down at her desk.

Ed was too shocked to speak. Al too was completely shocked.

_Did I go to far?_ Kira wondered, a metal hand rested on her shoulder, then Ed crouched down a little so his mouth was level with Kira's ear. _Yup…to far really to far…_

"I'm sorry Kira." He whispered kindly. Kira straightened up and turned to look at Ed, but Ed's face happened to be a little too close. As Kira looked Ed in the eye she felt another pair of lips against her own. Both Ed and Kira stayed like that shocked for another few seconds then turned away from each other.

"Sorry!" Kira said with a bright red blush stamped across her face. Ed just turned away blushing as well.

"Um…ya…just forget about it…literally." He said slowly.

"Done."

Then they heard the laughter, Al was laughing as hard as a tin can could.

"Ahem, Alphonse, incase you don't remember I still haven't had my tea time." Kira said regaining her composure, AL stopped laughing and nodded. "Yes, yes tea I'll go make it right now!" He said a little scared.

"Don't forget my cakes!" Kira yelled after Al who was running into the kitchen.

"Uh…Kira?" Ed asked a little nervously.

"What Ed?"

"Uhm how is it you eat so much junk yet you're still tall and skinny?"

Kira glanced at Ed wickedly. "Two reason's," She said holding up one of her slender fingers, "one I have something called a fast metabolism and two," She paused for a second and raised another finger. "I drink milk."

"Why does everything involve milk?" He snapped angrily.

"Well then there's always the other option of getting taller." Kira smirked.

"What?"

"Put you on a stretcher." Kira smiled wider at the notion. "Anyhow let's have some tea okay?" She got up from her seat and went into the kitchen where Al was making tea and cakes.

"Hey, I don't have a cat with me or anything! I'm just making cakes and tea like a normal person!" Al said frantically, Kira sneezed.

"Al, let the cat go." Kira said sternly, then sneezed.

"What cat?"

"Al, I know you have a cat." Another sneeze.

"I don't have a cat."

"Al I'm allergic to cats which is why I'm sneezing." Kira concluded wiping her nose with an arm.

"Must be dust I mean this apartment isn't the cleanest…" Al suggested, Kira's face turned angry.

"AL I KEEP MY APARTMENT CLEAN! YOU HEAR ME C-L-E-A-N CLEAN!" She paused to sneeze. "I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO INSULT MY APARTMENT! IT IS-" another sneeze. "CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN!"

"Okay, okay! I'll let him go!" Al said surrendering and taking a small black kitten out of his armor. Kira's eyes softened.

"Kwaii!!!" She squealed and snatched it up from Al's hand, she begun to cuddle it and sneeze, then cuddle, sneeze, cuddle, sneeze.

"Uh Kira?" Al asked.

"Oh right…ahem sorry female instinct, it happens when my allergies kick in. Anyhow," She walked over to the door of her apartment, "buh-bye!" She said as she threw the kitten out the door.

"Th-the cat!" Al whimpered sadly, Kira glared at him and sneezed again.

"Al…I smell the tea fix it and give it, then you're going to bake some more, after that you're gonna either A. Kick all the cats you see from now on, B. Become my slave, or C. Help me with my …" Kira sighed, "girl problems."

Al put milk in the tea and brought it to Kira along with a packet of sugar cubes aka Kira's best friends.

"Girl problems?" He asked, Kira nodded.

Ed stifled laughter. "So you are a girl after all!" He said smiling; Kira got up and pointed at him dramatically slamming one hand on the table.

"Edward Elric! I am a girl! Don't deny it pip-squeak!"

"Yeah well if you're a girl why do you almost never wear girl clothes and wear shorts under your skirt!"

"I don't wear skirts and dresses very often because of the drafts!" Kira yelled slightly blushing. "And the shorts are because I don't want some pervert seeing my panties!"

"What panties Lt. Hawkeye said you wear boxers!"

"Shut up pip-squeak! My underwear has nothing to do with you, and I only wear boxers when I sleep!"

"Yeah right I bet you're wearing some right now, And would you stop with the pip-squeak?!"

Al during the course of this was busy baking and trying his best to space out.

"Fine _Edward _I'll prove to you I'm a girl!" Without thinking much of it, Kira took off her tank top revealing a lacy pink bra. "And as for the boxers," Kira began to unbutton the top of her jeans and pulled the fly down, she then pulled down the jeans to show pink panties. "See all natural girl!"

Ed spun around blushing, _why the hell did she strip? _He thought annoyed.

"Okay, okay you're are a girl even though I've never thought of you as one you're female! Would put your clothes back on?" He asked frantic. Al for the first time looked to see what was going on, only to see Kira in her underwear he spun around again and took the pastries out of the oven. He shook his metal head and concentrated as hard as he could on the task at hand, icing the cakes and putting sugar on the Danishes. (A/N: For some reason it wants me to put a capital on that even though I mean the pastry…)

"Why I'm making you blush aren't I? It's because I'm a girl isn't it? What would you do if I hugged you like this?" Kira asked Ed playfully tiptoeing towards him.

"Shut up…" He said annoyed.

Then just like that Kira hugged Ed in her underwear.

"Ah what are you doing get off of me!" Ed screamed at Kira.

"I'm hugging you, and I won't get off 'til you say please." Kira smirked.

"Please!"

"Nicely."

"Please Kira please?" Ed said as nicely as possible in this awkward situation.

The door creaked open and in came Riza and Roy.

"Edward…what are you doing to my sister?" Riza asked angrily.

"Kira! Is this what you went out to do yesterday too? You're a playgirl uncle Roy is so proud!" Roy smiled, only to be glared at by Riza. "I mean you should be ashamed doing this kind of thing at sixteen." He quickly corrected himself.

"Ah! Riza!" Kira squealed embarrassed only now thinking about what she was doing exactly. She quickly let go of Ed and ran to where her clothes were on the floor she bent down and quickly pulled them on. Ed's blush darkened and he tuned to face the angry Riza Hawkeye and the puzzled Roy Mustang.

"Uh…Lt. Hawkeye, Col. Mustang…"

Riza pulled out a small pistol. "What we're you doing with my sister?"

"It was all Kira's fault!" Ed said pointing at Kira.

"He said I wasn't a girl!" Kira shouted pointing back at Ed.

"Um…sorry to interrupt but foods ready if you want any…" Al said desperate to get rid of this awkward atmosphere.

Kira smiled and thanked Al and avoided further questioning by stuffing her face and saying it was a strict rule in her apartment not to talk with your mouth full, Ed quickly followed this example, and the subject was dropped. Soon all the company left, and the only one in the apartment was Kira. Just as Kira was about to go to bed her phone rang, she glanced at her clock to see it was almost midnight.

"Who…?" She whispered putting the phone to her ear.

"Yo it's Kira here who're you?" She asked rudely and yawning slightly.

"Hello Kira it's Envy here." The voice she had tried so hard to remember said an evil smirk in it.

"What do you want Mr. Made Human?"

"Is that anyway to talk to the gut you love?"

"How…who told you about that?!"

"Tsk, tsk don't you know you can't keep secrets from us?"

"I…I uh…" Kira stumbled having no idea what to say.

"Kira I _did_ call for a reason, meet me at the park on the green bench in twenty minutes."

"En-Envy?" Kira asked, too late the line was already left. So many questions entered Kira's mind but the most important one to Kira was. _What should I wear?_ That question lingered in her mind as she looked in her cramped closet.

A/N: I'm actually really beginning to get into this one…unfortunately I have a hard time portraying Envy…I need to reread some FMA don't I? Well whatever…voila hope you like and if you like it review it as I said before they keep me motivated to do the story…


	4. Up North Eh?

A/N: -bows to my readers- SO, SO, SO, SO, SO SOORRRY!!!! I swear I didn't mean to do this so late I SWEAR it was an accident I kept putting it off and if you've stuck with me thank you…I'm sorry I'm becoming one of those authors that barely updates.

Kira ended up wearing a blue dress with unfortunately no shorts underneath, she sighed and tucked back a loose strand of her long blonde hair she had bee waiting in this park bench for twenty minutes!

"Hello, you are Kira correct?" A short-haired teen asked.

"Uh…yeah who're you?"

The teen winked and smirked. "You clearly don't know me that well do you Kira?"

"Envy?"

"Yes."

"O-Oh…." Kira stuttered suddenly a hell of a lot more self-conscious .

"Do you know why you're here?"

"No I don't."

"You're here because you simply feel dedicated to me."

"I, I do not!"

"Then why are you wearing a short summer dress when it's a cold night? You were dressing up for me right? Why did you come out here so late if it wasn't to see me?"

"I…I…" Kira stuttered, so she simply came here to be made fun of?

"In all seriousness Kira I need you to do something for me."

"What?"

And so he began to explain his plan and what need to be done, Kira listened and nodded along like a good little dog until he was done.

"I'll help you on one condition." Kira said smirking slyly.

"What?"

"We go on a date once a week."

Envy's eyes widened you _had_ to be kidding going on a _date_ with this human? He looked at her begging face and sighed.

"Deal…" He groaned.

Kira woke on the park-bench on the teenage boy's lap. _So last night wasn't a dream…_Kira thought gleefully. _Wait…I went home last night so why am I sleeping here?_ Kira wondered sitting up.

"Ah so she lives!" Envy smirked; Kira sat up and looked at him.

"I went home last night why am I here?"

"You passed out as soon as you stood up I didn't feel like lugging you to your apartment…so…here you are."

Kira nodded and stood to get up, then noticed something, she was wet. She looked down and noted thankfully she hadn't peed herself with a sigh of relief she looked at Envy opening her outh to ask _why_ exactly she was wet.

"Envy um why…?"

"Oh it started raining so I went to go stay dry, so you were kinda left alone…"

"YOU LEFT ME HERE?!"

"Yeah."

"I COULD HAVE GOTTEN HYPOTHERMIA AND DIED!"

"And?"

"DON'T YOU CARE AT ALL?"

"No not really…"

"I swear…" Kira sighed annoyed at him how could he just leave her out in the rain on a cold night?

Envy stood and began walking away. "So, see you next Wednesday then?"

"Huh why?"

"Our date idiot." Envy said turning back to look at the smiling face of Kira. _Only a sacrifice Envy nothing more…although she is pretty cute…_ Envy thought to himself walking away.

~Later that day in Kira's now loud apartment~

"I _told_ you these are _my_ boxers!" Kira yelled at her older sister who was currently aiding Kira in her already-to-clean-but-still-must-be-better spring cleaning.

"So then why are they size extra small?" Riza replied and raised an eye-brow.

Kira sighed and snatched them then looked at the tag yup Riza was right these weren't hers…so whose were they?

"Uh…" Kira stated very reassuringly to her older sister.

"_uh_?" Riza repeated.

"I honestly do not know…"

Thankfully a knock interrupted the awkward scene with a sigh f relief Kira went to go open the door.

Another knock.

"I'm coming!" Kira shouted. She opened the door and saw Edward Elric with a fairly serious face.

"Oh god…what is it?" Kira asked annoyed.

"You're coming up north with us." Ed stated matter-of-factly.

"Uh I am?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"Now."

"Uh…"

"It wasn't my choice that damn colonel told me to bring 'Silence'." Ed said referring to her title.

"That's The Silent Alchemist idiot!" Kira shouted there's one thing worse then a dirty apartment and that was the short form for her title. Ed rolled his eyes.

"Whatever! You're coming!"

"No!"

"Colonel said you had to Kira."

"You think _I_ gave a shit on what he wants?"

"You'll be put on leave again."

And in the time-span of six and a half seconds Kira was fully packed and stood beside Ed. "Let's go pip-squeak."

A/N: Okay I am rather annoyed with myself…but what the hell I can do whatever the hell I want! Anyhow please review…I know it's been a really long time and I'm VERY sorry…if you like it review it!


	5. Bear Hug

A/N: A recent review made me resurrect this fanfic from the world of faildom. So here we are.

The cold wasn't pleasing, not that Kira expected the north to be full of jolly snowmen and cute outfitted elves, but this harsh barren desert was too much.

"Ed," she said, "this is ridiculous. I'm going home." And just like that she turned around. "I'll just threaten Stallion."

"You mean Mustang?" Interjected Al.

"Yeah, Ponyman."

Ed grabbed her non-automail arm with his automail arm. "You're coming alright. I need Winry safe."

"Yeah well, I need to be hypothermia and frost-bite free, thank you very much."

"Why? It's not like you have any plans." Scoffed Ed.

Then the memories of Envy came flooding back, unleashing a great nosebleed, the force of which made her fall back. "D...date..." she mustered.

"Whoa, a date? Somebody asked _you_ out?" Ed said simply astounded.

"Envy..."

Ed transmuted an ice-cage around her. "I can't believe you! Oh my fuck, I feel betrayed."

"I think he's different..."

Ed looked at her clearly as ticked off as he could be, "They're not human Kira, they're not good. Most of all, they're all the same!"

She sighed, "Whatever Ed, let's just keep moving."

The night was spent in a make shift tent, Kira sat in her sleeping bag unable to lose consciousness as the brothers slept beside her.

She heard sniffing around the tent outside, confused she stood put a coat on and slipped out into the frigid air. A bear stood near the tent, glaring at her, it morphed into the shape of the teen that Envy had been during his last visit.

"I told you to stay near central." He growled at her, slowly inching closer.

She swallowed and blushed, "I know, I know I... I just... I didn't want to get on leave again so I had to... uh I had to come up here with the er, with the Elrics."

He put an arm down on her shoulder, "Kira, darling, do you remember the plan?"

She nodded not trusting herself to speak without squealing, Envy was touching her. Envy called her darling. Oh my gawd, this was AWESOME.

"Did the plan involve coming up north?"

She shook her head.

"Exactly, see pet, I needed you to stay in Central. And now I'm disappointed in you, to think I was going to kiss you this Wednesday evening."

She paused staring into his eyes, "Really?"

"Really."

"But uh, I can do that thing, with them, now. Early. Please Envy? Forgive me?"

He smiled, he got his way, Jesus guilt-tripping a human was easy. "I guess." he said slowly, "Though, only if we move the date night, to tonight." wait, what was he doing? He didn't actually want to spend time with her, no not at all. He reminded himself, this was solely for the purpose of understanding her little mind a bit better so he could use her more to his advantage. Exactly, that.

"What, uh, yes, sure but I uh, I need to change."

He shook his head, "You look fine, and if you're cold I'll keep you warm."

She blushed and jumped at the offer, "Keep me warm please then, Envy."

He became a bear again pointed to his back. "Get on then."

She sighed as this was not what she wanted but she did as she was told and clambered on the his back nonetheless.

_I did not expect my first time riding a guy would be like this._ She thought to herself as he began to run.

He stopped after twenty minutes or so and let her off, he sat down still as a bear and hugged her to his fur. "It'll be a pain if you get sick." He explained.

She blushed, "You're sweet..."

He became himself again, and let go of her. "Haha, yeah right. I wouldn't cuddle with a piece of dirt like you, pet."

And this is how the night progressed, until he finally brought her back to the tent where she was half depressed and half overjoyed to almost be rid of him.

He put a hand on her cheek, "Now then," he murmured. He lent in close and kissed her lightly, nothing much, nothing heavy just a little more then what could be called a peck.

He spun around just as she was about to put a hand on him, "Bye pet." He said marching off.

_Only a tool, Envy. She's only a tool, she may be cute, and you can play but don't get attached._


	6. Why is every sexy guy a douche?

A/N: Yes, this is only ever randomly resurrected Yes, this should give you hope that it will continue to RANDOMLY have chapter published. No, do not expect me to do this very often. I love you all, readers. Thank you for putting up with me.

EQ

* * *

Lust crossed her arms before her bodacious chest and sighed, "You like a _human_, don't you?" she asked Envy as he sat in a chair across from her, legs crossed over the arm.

"She's a pet, dear," he spat, "I play with her when I'm bored. Nothing more than a dog to me really, or a snake."

"Hmph," Lust began strutting toward her fellow homunculi, "you know Wrath and the rest of us don't believe that."

He shrugged, "Gluttony and Sloth don't seem to have a problem with it."

She stomped a foot and looked at the grand doors behind her, they were standing in the Fuhrer's study and Gluttony was probably waiting outside for her. "You know those two are less…. Developed than the rest of us."

"I thought you were Lust, not Pride, speaking of Pride, where is he? Last I heard he left us to go hang around a pack of mutants."

Lust tsk'd and spun on her heel, sensing the lost cause. "Don't let your infatuation become serious. We're not _like_ them, Envy."

"I swear to God, I'm going to die." Kira was lying face down in snow, rolling about, writhing in her own misery. "Why are you guys taking me here? I hate the cold. You know I hate the cold. It makes me all… cold. You guys are the worst." She looked at Ed who was holding back his laughter upon watching her mental breakdown, "and the _shortest_. Yeah, Ed, you're the tiniest goddamn runt I've ever seen, you're only called full metal because 'Pipsqueak' wasn't _formal _enough, hear that? _Pipsqueak!"_

Ed lost his grin, "I told you, I am not a pipsqueak!"

"Say that when you grow a few inches, short stuff! I bet this girl you're trying to save doesn't _like _short guys like you!"

"At least she likes _humans_!"

"At least Envy's _taller_ than me!"

The banter continued for several minutes, and Alphonse quietly entertained himself by drawing cartoons in the snow. By the time he'd gotten to the climax of the story he was illustrating, Kira and Ed's conflict had started dying down.

"I told you," Kira said slowly, "what happened that time in Central wasn't my fault!"

Ed's eyes locked on a figure behind Kira before he could respond with a declaration, that yes, in fact, it _was_ her fault. His jaw tensed. "Who are you?" he shouted into the distance.

Kira spun around and smiled. Oh her boy had come back at last. Rather, her homunculi. But, potayto, potahto.

"I've gotten into a lot of trouble because of you little girl," he cooed from some distance, "you're lucky I've got use for you, otherwise I might've had to end your pathetic existence."

Oh my, how endearing. Kira had to stop herself from swooning. She blushed, realizing that Ed and AL were probably listening to Envy publically shame her existence.

"Thanks, my boy, I appreciate the fact you've picked up the lesser-than-thou atmosphere I'm supposedly giving off."

"Lesser than I indeed," he mused still getting closer, "hey, hey, hey, Elric brothers, and how are my two least favourite scum of the earth on this fine day?" he asked casually with a two finger salute.

Al stopped drawing his comic he had entitled _'Tortie Tortoise, the Life and Times'_ and stood, joining Ed behind Kira.

"Get any closer and you won't like us much more than you do already," Ed barked at the blasphemy before them.

Even shrugged, changing his form into that of a young blonde woman, bandana on her head, overalls on, and some grease smudges up her arms. She appeared to be a mechanic, or an apprentice of one at least.

"Winry," Ed gaped.

"She's still safe at home," Envy mused, "All they reported was _me_ being 'kidnapped'."

Okay, Kira decided, he was a bit of a douche. But god help her if she didn't love him anyway.

Ed turned around and looked at the path they had forged up the mountainside, it had all been pointless?

"However," Envy added, "I have plans for you two, and although we're not in Central right now…" envy shrugged, "We can get you there."

"What are you talking about?" Ed growled.

Kira took a step towards Envy and sighed, stop being a dick Envy, she thought, I know they come on strong but these guys are kind of my best friends.

Ed reached forward and grabbed Kira's hand. "Don't you go to him," he hissed, "Not now."


End file.
